Original Contents: © LOGOS for web (http://www.logos-web.net/)


1999 marimos
printed on "SPEAK Internet Division"
- 1 -

It seems that I am attached to sleep at the time of beginning to think whom am I pray to, after I repeatedly pray which I never wake up. Moreover, I am amazed at myself who has also woken up today.
I wake up to 10:00 every morning, take a shower, drink mineral water, without makeup, only dry hair carefully with a drier, and wear the cap of Stussy deeply, and I go to a library, without having anything. Although I am going to remember how many this action is repeated, I will always get tired and will stop on the way.
Going up the hill, and walking for a while inside a thick park in trees, I will arrive at the library. Although remembered suddenly, I will also have noticed that the cry of a cicada does not carry out yesterday. I can also regard the grassy smell of the ground or grass as having become weaker a little. I feel that it has already felt so repeatedly.
It is .... for saying by once.
I murmur.

- 2 -

I go to the third floor where the book of a philosophy document and psychology put in order tidily. Although a dining-room, a smoking room, etc. are in the fifth floor, I forget the other floor. I sit on the desk which can overlook a public inside a garden by the window always like. I do not necessarily surely read a book just because I came here, and I am merely careless in many cases. Looking at the green which spreads under a window, observing the people devoted to a book, continuing to see the wrinkles of my palm for many hours, etc., I do not decide the purpose. Since the people gathering in this place are concentrating for their purpose faithfully, if I am sparing the time of which on the wrinkles of a palm, they do not kept in on a their mind, though mind, they return the nerve to the book at hand immediately.
Since I came to look at a certain dream, I came to circulate here every day. I look at the dream that a mother cat eat her child cat with raising sound, and twinkling a pupil, every 2 or 3 days. The sound in which the thin bone breaks in the mouth of mother cat sticks the back neighborhood of my ear, after waking up, and it is not left easily. When I talk it to someone, she talk me that "If man's smell is attached to her child, cats feel danger, and will eat, if taken by man"

- 3 -

When heard the talk? Probably, the day is when I am looking for the book about analysis of a dream, the man of a pale face approaches like a certain moon to the waist and hair floats a faint smile, saying to me, "Does it know what color the color of blood is?", I answered it as "the spots of black and yellow", the man had become silent, I inquired, "Do I know the color of your mother's ass?", the man's faint smile stopped exactly and sweat has blown off to the face of the man who made it pale increasingly, I am watching without also carrying out a blink until it reaches a cheek from a temple, the man goes to the angle of a bookshelf, without turning the back to me, drawing back, he ran suddenly and has been performed to somewhere.
When I felt vibration from the back pocket of jeans and took out the cellular phone, four characters of "EWEF" appeared on the small screen blinking, and I noticed today was Friday.
The memory has been carried out to "EWEF" by the abbreviation for EveryWeek EveryFriday. It is the call from those who meet on Friday every week.
"be in that place at 6:00 today" only say so, it go out shortly.
I think there are little people whom I input the memory to the cellular phone by their name. I was not so good at memorizing people's name, and since I did not call a name, I did not have especially a problem. Since my name was not pleased, either, I had people call me RIKA, REIKO, AYA, and so. But, I surely told to a man that I want you to call me "you".
When called "you", I felt that feeling which it is why or is uneasy softened.

- 4 -

"Your complexion is bad whenever we meet, recently. Would you have a meal firmly, at least when it is with me?"
He, 45 years old, B type of blood, the advertising agency division manager, having a wife and child, and a left-handed person, always says the same thing. Supposing he takes in order to tell such a thing purposely to me who was dressed up at the beautiful restaurant, I will think that it is a nightmare further from the dream of that cat. I begins to repent that I should not buy a new dress, removed the look from him who faces each other. When vacated one white wine and ,my head came to be alike flabbily, he ate hardly also today.... I murmured, looking at the plate top which the waiter taking out. And anytime he say "you are surely important for me. No matter there may be what, you do not separate from me. I think it bad to restrain beautiful and young you. Although I may not be able to do so since there are a home and work even if you want to meet, while meeting in this way, I want to value really truly" This will be his peculiarity.
That he knows that I am not the woman who telephones that I want to meet, and takes out to a mouth purposely, may be the reason I do not need to be disagreeable about him.

- 5 -

Although I said repeatedly "Since the meaning of associating is not understood, I cannot do so", he did not comply. When I said "If it is it, it is easy to associate", he came to despise my face on foot. Since it was a smooth leg, I had not resisted since the start.
Especially the act did not have the influence of any in my nerve, the day when he wear the shirt which I am pleased very much, and which is made of the white of having made when he went to Spain, and the thin blue thin line, and whose point feeling I had not ever been touched, my feeling is good, and I might be said that I wanted me to step on a face spontaneously. Although I do or do not like it, I was feeling that something settled down by being done so. When he made me nakedness, the big birthmark which is beside a left nipple was found, he questioned me "What is this?" and I answered "It is because I met that man", he said "Why do you meet that man again?" with the face sadder than what sad face regarded as so far.

- 6 -

I had a lover whom I meet 2 or 3 times in a month about two years before I meet him. Although he had gone to overseas for a while, he was back, and I was called and went to the hotel of his stay place. Shortly after I opened the door, I was asked by him, "Did get a sweetheart?" When I answered "There is the one who associate", I was pushed down by him by terrible power, and the side of the breast of the left was able to be bit.
"You are mime, understood?"
Since the day when I met left-handed him for the first time, he told me "Whatever you do anything else, it's OK, but I want you only not to meet the man"
"Why did you meet him again?" Although I was asked by him once again, I could only answer "I don't know". After shutting up the mouth to each other, long time passed on the bed, he said "Although it was, I promised whatever there may be, you goes away from me" with stroking my hair, repeated the word, and hold me tightly.

- 7 -

Although it was like for every rule to check out at 1:00 a.m., he continued sleeping, having embraced me to toward morning. At last, I noticed with looking at his sleeping face, that I do not pray that I will never wake up again, when I sleep with him who attached the birthmark. The time until I am attached to sleep does not exist only with him who make me my hips thrust up highly, hand the belt and rose whip of leather in both hands, and roared out "Which is good, with which do you want to be strike, make clarify", if I notice, the morning is coming, and the eye had only awoke.

- 8 -

I do not know how many days I have passed from deciding that I never sleep.
Black smoke came to appear in instead of looking at the dream in which the bone of a kitten is crunched. It is in a refrigerator, is in a mirror, or lurks in various places. Still, to 10:00 a.m., I take a shower, and drink mineral water, and only dried hair exactly, wears the cap of Stussy deeply, and cross a hill, and I am continuing going to the library in green.
I have already grown familiar also with the speed of the beat of the heart when going up a hill.

- 9 -

I think that this big building is the only place were I can judge whether I have gone mad or not. When I begin to walk toward a seat by the window, and my arm is held and I turn round, there is that man with the long hair whose face is swollen like the moon.
I t, think that I will c, confirm whether the blood, the blood of the spots of b, black and yellow and blood come out as you, said.
Why does he divide words in a strange place.
W, would you s, see together, since it is a wish?
The man said in such small voice that I am surprised. Supposing it carries out or, he may have told by the method completely different from voice. I do not have the power which utters voice, only a few raised the end of a lip, and made a thing like a smile. I came out of the library, passed in the park, took and went to the public lavatory near the pond in which the duck is sailing, and in the smell of the ammonia which attaches a nose, while that black smoke swayed in the wall behind the man, I was looking at expanding slowly.

- 10 -

The man of a pale face is sticking even not only a face but the T-shirt fast with sweat. He makes my shirt rolled up, and ask "which is good? right or left which is good?", if I am without my answering, he says "so, the left is good...."
The man takes out only the edge of a cutter from his pocket of jeans, presses it against my left-hand, and "It is true that the blood of the spots of black and yellow comes out...."
The edge of the cutter was pulled, and it hurt, simultaneously the hot thing dripped and the sound of a pulse has echoed in the boy rest room which is narrow.
It is true! They are spots! The blood of the spots of black and yellow came out!!
The black smoke behind the man in great delight continues becoming small and the cry of crows changed to exclamation, I remembered that it is the signs of a snake which is written to the book left-handed he gave that answered the colors of blood are the spots of black and yellow, and I remembered that I knocked the birthmark of my left breast personally and attached it.