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The cooled girl

2000 Takayuki Kido
exhibited as video movie at the event "SPEAK ORANGE"

I didn't know who am I. At least, I was who is a certain thing which is hard to be referred to as being man. In the proof, the one girl was frozen in our refrigerator. When we open the door, the girl always looked up at us uneasily. From the very near side, Anna cool-headedly took carbonated water out with being high-handed and wearing the apron. When the girl looked at the hand for the sad eyes with which abandonment was mixed halfway, the girl had the door closed firmly. When it was called me, like the absorbent cotton dried as a brick completely, for example, loosely, however, it is made decisive and I continue sitting on the one-leg chair without armrests, all day long.
Ther was nothing but three chairs, a refrigerator, and a celluloid doll. Of course there is little tableware etc., although that there were three chairs could be said too many to this simple room where even a required thing failed to be diminished even so. Because we had not given the girl of a refrigerator only an chair at once, and had not given visitors, either.
The girl was standing, before being cooled. Merely, intently. She was looking down intently, confusing the both hands in front of a breast, and standing with the red shoes made in felt on the alcove slab which was corroding. Her long golden hair was greasy and strange gloss was worn. Moreover, visitors were also standing. A man is continuing drinking fictitious thing from his empty bottle in his hand, having leaned to the wall by his one of the two's leg. Moreover, a woman makes a steppingstone other men who rolled to the floor and both hands are deeply thrust into a stocking, she has hauled in, without coming exactly all day long. Anna was accompanied for the surroundings of them by the dog with a long trunk, and a walk was gallantly taken in the room. Then, at the corner of the room, the girl was looking down intently too. And a chair place next to her ....
This a chair, is conspicuous any times. The chair always continued charging the blank of the portion of the seat to me. Or the back reclining. It did not change in the morning inserted white, in the night opened like a coffin, in the rain which makes the room floated, or fog hanging over, and any times. I did not get used to the mind asking "For what is this?", either. This seat was half done for this long time. Long time? ---- I want to remember it.


Anna said by expression that it was noisy. The sob is heard from the refrigerator. Because of this sultry climate, Anna becomes half the body nakedness and is loitering around the room. Like the statue of a Renaissance term. I am sitting on the chair. On the floor, a doll is looking at the window bending its head unnaturally.

It was a certain cold morning of winter that the girl came to this room. Against the background of dried sky as a brick, the girl was looking down in front of the door. Anna pulled her hand who has stood without also knocking the door (we don't know from when she started it) in the room so that an obstacle might be turned down horizontally completely. Anna went shopping then.
The girl told nothing, looking down. Her words were not found in behavior nor on expression nor at any expression means, in this room that became only two persons with me. While the thumb of her hand merely intently connected in front of her breast tangled mutually, it only rotated.... Time flowed. No, I was conscious of the passage of time. The morning sunlight which is inserted from a window and which inclined very much was illuminating the bottom from the girl's knee. The girl had worn the skirt of a tartan check which faded. The top was the white and slightly soiled sweater which knit the chain pattern that was rude. And she was bare feet. The finger of the girl's leg was torn red swelling stage fright and in some places. Moreover, her finger, and her nose and her ear had trouble with their frostbite obviously. I tried to talk to the girl for a moment.... That is the skin bag of the water which makes a group in the desert entirely and which is lying which it choked it with fully....
Anna has come back. Anna throw red felt shoes and a medicine from the shopping bag made of cloth of the hemp that many bought things were tight to the front of the girl. The girl squatted down to it immediately, she applied it to her leg to her ear at her hand. Like an entirely hungry monkey making both hands complicated, a tusk is shown openly, game is pushed into the mouth. Anna walked in the back. Squatted down, the girl continued to extract medicine repeatedly, and applies to the affected part.

Anna swayed the refrigerator. At the moment, there was in the sob sound got blocked in a throat, and it stopped. And Anna disappeared to the bathroom, fanning a face by hand. On the floor, the doll had been proneness too, only the head turned, and outside was seen. It was exposed to the light of the day which reflected, and that made shade sharp, and.... and it was the entirely vivid accident spot. I felt that earnest sweat flowed from my breast to a navel.


Should I stand up soon? What conditions should be fulfilled to it again? I do not understand myselves for from when it is, and why I will not rise from here in this way any longer.
At the time, it is usual at 9 of night, Anna give my body to her shoulder with great difficulty and finished wiping my chair finely, and began to wipe my body with another towel. In the time, my eyes are filled from her shoulder to her heel. It is shaking right and left very gradually by touch that sound is likely to become creakily. And next time.... It is although it is WEIDER IN JERRY today.... A fluid meal is poured into my mouth.
I cannot be an old man although said. If the mirror put on the corner of the room is seen, it is clear that I am considerable youth. Although the mirror is always turned to me, I appreciate this Anna's consideration. I am talking like this in the head now, or it is a doubt without this thoughtfulness. Moreover, I cannot be a sick person, either. However, this cannot be proved at all.... Aren't disagreeableness and I the existence which must be called sick person at least?
I will return the talk.

The girl kept standing on that occasion by the example, when she finished applying medicine completely. When a few days past and the condition of her crack became good, the girl inserted the tiptoe into the red shoes made of felt, observing the appearance of me and Anna. I saw that the pale tiptoe of the girl which became thin steals into the red shoes sideways.

"There is a prepared beard behind a beard to prepare at the time of the reality, as for us, originally those methods with the target relations are really tormented by to be the same as the various history when it was united."
The man who shows as the man who yearns after Sartre stuck the cellophane tape between eyes, then it is separated from both eyes of the man came into the room. It didn't find whether this men were I, Anna and which acquaintance in the first place two people any more. He said "No, because I must go soon." to the Anna who came after he went to this room frequently in as long a period as that and muttered what or 2 word 3 word, and came back. On his return,

Is that girl? Where is that girl?!


It disappeared to inside rapidly. It, that, and this faded and became impossible to be remembered completely. Various lost labor was also spent. Like a lie. Lie ? .... Yes, it is lie. I stopped struggling blindly, turning, then moving, since it was darkness. Darkness.... Yes, it is darkness. Moreover, it is the troublesome darkness in which the liar light appears and disappears. Although I was walking to the direction of light to be sure.... I decided not to move to "it is rational" after all. It could think of it with being really only wrong, and the fellow of the rationality of this thing made me "evolve" to the human being with no really spiritless waste. The human being who evolved testifies to the lie openly with a mind in the attitude which it looks down on though it is afraid. Then, because that actually spoils the inside gradually, it becomes the lump of the perfect lie. Since the lump of a lie has the too sensitive skin, having touched just for a moment will also react superfluously, and he will start hysterics.


It was a town when it passed through the tunnel whose prefecture border was long. That is huge, too. The night bottom became a starlit sky. Moreover, the night bottom was cut one after another, and the headlights of the car were tearing it under the overpass. The Shinkansen stopped at the underground platform.


Why doesn't the girl talk, looking down? Is it because we do not address? Or is this context that we should talk wrong, primarily?
Even so, why do I consider the girl like this? Even so, this is a very strange phenomenon though I used to cling to thought even if it is meaningless like this except for her. No, what I thought now is considered because I wants to consider her in fact. That is, I want to make some of her things into a special matter up. So why? Yes, I have been waiting. No, I have not been waiting. While this reality carries out the exquisite glue of the existence of me, it flowed in third person and I know that it is last thing. Probably, I believes it so. Like that, reality come actually and pass, and what passed away never appears again. But why?! Why does that girl stay here?! That girl is liar! That girl make us think her that she never deceive us, by saying nothing.... in such a girl's honesty is in fact not honest but "nothing". Honesty is not no telling a lie but "telling the truth".... shit! .... I feel madness such like refuting to the sky. That girl doesn't try to get out of the refrigerator, she is mad truly, mad to do nothing, mad!!! .... isn't it the thing of me? No, am not I madness more? If it is so, do I pretend honesty, and am not I in the meaning as well, and make others feel irritated, and in fact, am I waited for telling something? Anna is.... is Anna waiting for me? It will be right. Anna with no flinching from.... is waiting for me in the attitude which does not change at all. For me.... I, I am.... Yes! I have been waiting for the girl! I have been waiting for someone to come to disagreeableness and the place which I'm going to give now to the girl! That is right, the girl has grasped the disagreeableness which grasps all keys, and all "keys of beginning"! Probably they approached here with how many persons appropriate for it until now, and we were deceived! And which tires us. Moreover, probably, we were made distrustful! And probably, .... No, I was languidly made spiritless for me! The one who sit on that chair have to come himself. We cannot take the one, we can only merely judge whether the one is suitable for sitting down. No, if it is said whether be, finally this I will judge it. And that girl is now cooled by the refrigerator. The cold and having carried out are none other than Anna. And it is me to have Anna made it keep. No, ....

Disagreeableness and I may be deceived.


Can I stand up again?

I decide to made the girl "taken out" from the refrigerator anyhow. Therefore, I "must stand up" first. I was walking before, and am young still enough to stand up now, therefore, I should be able to stand up again.
But what I must be careful here is not to walk like before.
I started with poking a hand on a seat, in order to rise first.
My both hands which got on my thigh do not shift outside easily.
Friction which the hand which shifts outside feels little by little, little by little, excites me.
If mind is extracted, the hand which began to shift with much trouble will fall in the position of a basis.
Yes, it is the portion of the arm, put power there.
Shit! .... O.K. I may not get not impatient. For the reason, that girl is cooled, come out slowly, raise certainly slowly. Yes, slowly right.
.... Why I try like this....


Suffer.... Suffer.... It is although there is nothing in the point....


I saw Anna was surprised in the muscle on the back. And she looked back upon me by the touch to shave and which it tries to shave.
My both arms fell with sufficient vigor outside.
Now, since my blood flow is full, blood becomes heavy and it does not go up upwards, either, while accumulates in the point of the hand that I am hanging down from both shoulders, and weight is felt. Simultaneously, the form of my arm where it which is going to swell up is opposed, and the form of the bag made on the skin are also felt. Anna still gaze me. Completely, be careful and discern something carefully. Like discerns? Yes, she discerns.
Although I started saying "Yes" (it is good anything also at "Oui", "Si", or "Sou"), I stopped. Although it will become only an uncertain groan though said (Although it is almost certain that will is transmitted in it, of course), having stopped is not from such a reason, but it is because nothing becomes if it does not rise by its power.(Although it will answer that nothing still becomes even if it will be heard that it becomes what, if it rises by itself anyhow)


Anna also understood. Therefore, an intention to help was not intimated, either. I can rise now somehow (it is a still doubtful gait). But it was still time not to fulfill no less than 10 seconds. Although I am going to rise becoming a crawl to the alcove slab which was corroding, and shaking both arms, power is exhausted immediately and I becomes a crawl again.
At hand, a doll turns a head in the unnatural direction and is rolling, like me.


Two visitors are coming today. One is a woman hauling in the stocking, and the other is a woman whom having sat down and having folded one's leg fits. But naturally, the woman is standing. And naturally I crawl between the two persons. If Anna appears in the room drinking carbonated water in a pure white dress figure, the woman whom sitting down fits pointed me out by the tobacco which she was smoking, and said "To what is that trying? .... that disgraceful thing."
Anna answered attaching the glass to her mouth, "Which?"
"This is, " The woman whom sitting down fits brought the fire of tobacco close to my face nearness. "This is! "
As Anna interrupted me from the field of view with the glass of a mouth, she made the neighborhood crawl on an eye, and insisted still more "Which? About which you talk me? "
The woman of a stocking said. "If you accepts indifferently and this man cannot stand up any longer in how. Isn't it pitiful in this man, either? What was necessary was just to have sat down as it is, if such a disgraceful sight could be caught."
"It's wring, I am excited very much now" was not able to be uttered well. Two persons were looking down on my voice which I also hear as meaningless "Aa, Hu", But it seemed that it got across only to Anna. Because Anna cut to the last by saying "I do not understand in the least what you said" gazing at the direction different from me.


It was the intention of mere practice, is that really right? Had I done the thing "a walk of practice" until now? Since it begins primarily, is there any such thing? In fact, this practice is not just acting before the audience? Now I am understanding I had been pulled in the hand by the existence who sits on that chair until now. And it is the proof that I had sat down. And I continue walking toward the refrigerator now every day.
The girl's breathing is heard from the refrigerator.
Even if Anna looks at awkward me,she is watching warmly at the time of two persons. No, she "believes" rather than watches. And because she can believe it, she "does not look at this me" in front of others, no, because she "does not look at this me", she can believe. And that Anna is in "here" is just for "it". That is, it is "for believing" about this me. It is because "in order to believe", not because "she believe".
Then, "since it is believed", do I walk? Not the thing that "since I am trying to walk", I am believed.... That is, I have, saying honestly (it can judge so from the place hidden unconsciously), I want that "since I am going to walk", "I am believed". No, is that right? It is for me myself anyhow good in this case whether I am believed or not. I am made to walk to the refrigerator by that girl, in other words, I am made to walk in order that I may sit someone on that chair, and not for others. However, Anna just supports this me surely. And Anna also won over that girl here.
This room is constituted by Anna and torn by Anna.


At the moment of opening a door, the girl surprised and ducked her body. The girl gazed at me by the frightened eye, and made her body of a refrigerator without depth rounded so that she might escape to the back further draw back.
I held out the hand into the refrigerator from the floor.


We sat down each chairs and faced. I have felt that the perfect delta (= triangle) exists here already. Each talked all together to the inside of silence. That is so.... I was caught by the thought that I have realized something. That is, I "tended to govern all". However, it was "impossible". I was going to sit on all simultaneously also at my chair and the girl's chair also at Anna's chair. It was because "it was impossible". And I who tried to sit on the three "did not sit down anywhere". It was these all of a series of.
"How I was waiting for the day which you can speak." Anna said.
"I was going to talk to your part. I understand it, therefore, I can talk now, thank you for your suspecting me, trusting me, indulging me, oppressing me, giving up me, and crushing me by expectation. I do not presuppose that I will already be avaricious and will talk to your part, I was made to leave you completely, but I want you not to forget, It passes over you only as the tool for me. If we forget it, we will, especially from Anna's chair, this room will crash easily."
"Excuse me...." The girl said.
"What?" I said.
"I.... I ...."
"No need in any reasons, let us live together."
"It's good." Anna said. "it's pleasant." And laughed for the sky.


For I am born again, all the existence of me who was buried in the wind at a certain time, and possibly was hushed up at a certain time was spent. The cell of the body will interchange altogether in a little more than 200 days. the girl who was sitting down the chair before the cooled girl got old quickly one time in the border, and became an eternal old woman at last, and became the agate stone which shone dully as it is when it burns out, and disappeared somewhere. She will also become the same someday. But we speak to anyone like that it is for me furthermore for Anna surely visited indispensable "dance at the time". The inner and spontaneous change which comes since necessary.... that is death.... becomes the 100 years stone which can exceeds a generation, exceeds even people's mind and holds out to the end of a far machine century. It is fine stage of the cooled girls, is the front row of the center of the stage of opera, and is the scenario which I play, or is Anna who is a theater hissing hot, is as the merely faint groan of the brightness of one-century stone(stone of a century) in it, will touch 1000 ears. Soon the words, no, the meaning will open as spring which these existance born from in front of people's eyes and we will be used, and be thrown away, as a part of these existance which is darkness to survive, is the stone, is the fountain of the spring which blows up sky high.